Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
