Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
