He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
