ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
