There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
