guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
