You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that's an acceptable place to lick
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
