it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
