I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
