Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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