even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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