drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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