Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
