come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
