the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
