after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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