cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
