Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
