Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
