Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
