last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
