when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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