4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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