is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
