Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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