he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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