I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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