Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
We left the knife in your bed.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
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