his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize
