Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
