What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
