So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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