meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
