Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
