I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
