thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Randomize
