Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
