I think I died a long time ago.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
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