I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
