You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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