It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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