So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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