You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
