So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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