So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't put those talents on a resume
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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