The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
