I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
He is an equal opportunity slut.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
