Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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