9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
