Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Randomize
