i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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