I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
