my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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